Learn to Trust, Not Control

As soon as I finished writing the words in my prayer journal, I knew they were a lie: “Forgive me for secluding parts of my life from You and for keeping the Holy Spirit out. Forgive me for not giving You my whole heart.” These words scare me. I don’t really want to give all of my heart to the Lord. What would that require of me? I feel like Smeagol holding on to his Precious. But why? Why do I clutch at things that are better off in my Lord’s sweet hands?

Is it control? I do like control. Without my lists, plans, and routines, I feel reckless. Control makes me comfortable. Control makes me feel that I can manipulate a situation in the direction I want it to go. But control gives a false sense of power. My frenzied attempts to control a situation do not make me “in control” of the final outcome.

Deep down, I know . . . there is something else lurking in my uneasiness. When I push these thoughts aside, I know what it is. Trust. I do not trust my Lord. What if the Lord doesn’t do what I want? What if He has something difficult in store? What if He demands something I can’t do or don’t want to give? What if life isn’t good? What if . . .? I know it is the “What ifs” that scare me. But my “What ifs” imply the Lord does not want good for me. Is that how I really feel: The Lord wants bad things for me? This is not the truth!

Romans 8: 31-32 rings in my ears: “What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” These words are the truth, not my “What ifs.” The gracious giving God who sent His own son to come and rescue me from a pit of sin and death would not harbor ill-intent for me. He has no desire to harm me or set me up for failure. His desire is that I will walk with Him and learn to trust Him above all else. He has what is best for me, even if I don’t understand it at the time. He is trustworthy!

I am the one that can’t be trusted! I don’t follow through. I walk away. I ignore. I put off till later. I would never build this kind of trust with my family or friends. So why do I ignore my Lord? I am the untrustworthy one! But how do I change?

The first step is adjusting my view. Sometimes I view my Lord in some lofty place, far removed, governing over everyone. This makes me feel alone and causes me to act on my own, sometimes in fear. I must remember who I am in Him. As a Child of God, He has sought me out and redeemed me through Jesus Christ. He is not far away but near. The second step is remembering that His intentions are good. No matter what comes my way or what He asks me to do, I should not fear because I have His love and “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear . . .” (1 John 4:18). I need to learn to trust in His love, not in my ability to control. The third step is to remember all the good things my Lord has already done for me. When fear makes me clutch tighter to the things I think I can manipulate, that should be my cue to rest in His proven trustworthiness. These things will help me to trust in His love, then step out with confidence.

Dear Lord, I want to trust You, even in the most confusing times. Help me to stop racing to control what is not in my power to determine. Help me to never forget who I am in You: chosen, redeemed, loved, protected, child of the Most High God. I want that perfect love that drives out fear. Please help me! In Jesus’s name, Amen!